What's with all the whining?

I tried to set the world record for biggest pumpkin but I lost by 2500 lbs not sure what I did wrong mine was 14 lbs . I watered and fertilized all summer.

 

I tried to grow watermelons once they were the size of softballs and still had as many full size seeds

 

I tried poppy plants my neighbors called the Feds plus my dog would not sleep

 

I live in the middle of nowhere and horticulture is my hobby

Last year I grew a variety of “those” poppies and got fantastic flowers I even slit the sides at the end and watched the milky stuff ooze out but I stopped there

A state trooper stopped by one day on another subject and we were standing next to them bullshiting and well enough was left alone