Dad Joke of the Day Thread

You know the square root of 69? Eight something.




(Remember, he who laughs last...........didn't get it.)

 

don't laugh with your mouth full

 

I'm ashamed that my wife had to explain it to me and then had the nerve to say it's something I'm not familiar with.

 

I overheard an old couple in church the other day.

The woman said to her husband, "I just accidentally let a silent toot, what should I do?

The husband said, "Change the battery in your hearing aids."

 

When I was about 12, we were visiting relatives and my cousin was going to drive us somewhere in his '69 Chevelle SS. I was nervous and aske my uncle if my cousin was a fast driver. He said, " He's not a fast driver and he's not a slow driver. He's a half-fast driver"

 

I once worked as a historian but there was no future in it.

 

A 3 legged menacing cat storms into a bar: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"

 

Jeh and I maintain that school was so much easier for us way back when because there was no History class yet.

 

When I was in history class, we just wrote down what we were doing.

 

I asked my ghost hunter friend what kind of jeans he wears when he goes ghost hunting.

He said, "paranormal jeans."

 

What is a stormtroopers favorite store?


The one next to Target.

 

You are making me realize how much my brain is slowing down. Taking me a few tries to get some of these jokes. I was never a joke person, probably because I have a brother-in-law who drives us all crazy with his constant joke telling at get togethers but some of these are giving me a good laugh.

 

After 5 tries I got it. Now that was a good one.

 

Ireland has the fastest growing capital in the world. Every day it's Dublin.

 

LoL

 

A man goes to the supermarket and gets a load of bread, a pint of milk, and a frozen dinner.
The girl at the checkout says, 'you must be single'.
The man asks, 'how did you guess'?
The girl says, 'because your ugly'.

 

Did you hear that Mothers Cookie Co is merging with Smuckers Jam Co to form the Mother Smuckers of America Co?