Dad Joke of the Day Thread

Steel_Elvis · Jun 23, 2026

The other day I met this beautiful woman with huge hooters. I offered her $1,000 if she would let me bite one, and she agreed. We went off to a secluded place and I buried my face into them, licking, motor-boating and having a grand time. After a few minutes she said “well aren’t you going to bite one?” And I said “no thanks, they’re too expensive.”

Steel_Elvis · Jun 27, 2026 at 8:56 AM

My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience, but the second time was a letdown.

Steel_Elvis · Jun 27, 2026 at 8:57 AM

I own 51% of a company that hunts vampires.....I'm the main stake holder.

jeh1856 · Jun 27, 2026 at 6:48 PM

MojaveDesertPghFan said: ↑

A guy walks into a hillbilly discount general store looking for some cheap TP. He finds the TP aisle and scans the varieties and prices. For $5 you could get a 2 pack of Premium TP, for $3 you could get a 6 pack of Deluxe TP and for $1 you could get a 12 pack of John Wayne TP. The guy was surprised but grabbed the John Wayne 12 pack and headed to the checkout counter. The clerk said "That'll be $1 even". The customer still curious asked the clerk "Why is the John Wayne TP so cheap? The clerk replied "Cause it don't take sh!t from nobody"!
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Variation from when I literally bought $10,000 of toilet paper for a school district

It’s rough it’s tough and it doesn’t take **** off of anyone

steel machine · Jun 28, 2026 at 6:21 AM

As I stated earlier in this thread I'm not a joke person since my brother-in-law use to drive us crazy with them at every family event. He was over the other day and I let him read through this thread. He was in poop pig heaven. He actually wrote down about 15-20 of them for future use.

jeh1856 · Jun 29, 2026 at 1:26 AM

steel machine said: ↑

As I stated earlier in this thread I'm not a joke person since my brother-in-law use to drive us crazy with them at every family event. He was over the other day and I let him read through this thread. He was in poop pig heaven. He actually wrote down about 15-20 of them for future use.
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Ummmm

Steel_Elvis · Jun 29, 2026 at 11:33 PM

I prefer the British spelling of diarrhea. Diarrhoea really looks like it lost control of its vowels.

SteelinOhio · Jun 30, 2026 at 6:30 PM

A guy went to see his psychiatrist, but he showed up at his appointment completely naked, except for several layers of saran wrap that he wrapped around himself.

He asked, "doc, do you know what's wrong with me?"

His psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see yer nuts."

S.T.D · Jul 1, 2026 at 9:23 PM

Steel_Elvis said: ↑

I prefer the British spelling of diarrhea. Diarrhoea really looks like it lost control of its vowels.
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LoL. Ah Geez

Born2Steel · Jul 2, 2026 at 8:35 AM

Snoop Dogg always carries an umbrella. He claims it's fo tha drizzle.

Born2Steel · Jul 2, 2026 at 4:41 PM

A man tells his friend he has developed an intense phobia of birds. So much so that he has started carrying a shotgun around everywhere he goes. The friend asks him him, don't you think you're getting a bit carried away?
The man holds up the shotgun and says, 'not today'.

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Dad Joke of the Day Thread

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jeh1856 Chilling by the pool TSF Supporter

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