Dad Joke of the Day Thread

I know you got 'em. Let's see 'em.

 

The hardest board exam to pass is the professional magicians exam. It's all trick questions.

 

What is a yankee?






















Same as a quickie, but a man can do it by himself

 

You heard about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? It's a guy who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog.

 

This one is a bit long




A bear walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says I’m sorry, but can’t serve beer to bears in bars. Frustrated the bear pleads with the bartender. Please, I’m tired and thirsty and just want a beer. Once again the bartender refuses. I’m sorry. My hands are tied. I can’t serve beer to bears in bars. Getting angry the bear says give me a beer or I’m going to kill that woman. Yet once again the bartender refuse with the same line. I can’t serve beer to bears in bars. The bear lets out mighty roar, kills the woman, and demands a beer. The bartender says I’m sorry, but I can’t serve beer to bears on drugs.

Getting really angry the bear asks bears on drugs? What are you talking about?


That was a bar bi tch you ate

 

fvck that took me 3 times damn Im slow

earlier I had a yellow jacket

 

Our local blacksmith put his dog up for adoption. A nice family adopted the dog. As soon as they got the dog into their house, he made a bolt for the door.

 

Farmers eat what they can and can what they can't.

 

Courtesy of Steven Wright: "I bought one of those new microwave fireplaces. I can have an entire evening of passionate romantic interlude in 17 seconds."