Dad Joke of the Day Thread

Never heard of kewpie, will have to give it a try.

 

It comes in a squeeze bottle. I've found it in the "asian" food section. Even, oddly enough, in Ketchikan.

 

I’ve got a huge international farmers market nearby. They will have it

 

Fun fact: Boomerangs are Australia's biggest export. It's also their biggest import!

 

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return?


A stick.

 

Nam Dae Mun Farmers Market

 

Buford Highway Farmers Market. I think technically it’s a giant grocery store, but it’s called a farmers market. According to AI it’s 100,000 square feet with products from 71 countries. About 2.5 acres of groceries.

 

Duluth area I love that place. It's been a couple of years since I have been spent a lot time out that way a few years back off and on.

 

And now that the thread has become about farmer's markets, here's a smooth transition back to dad jokes.

A farmer was pulled over by a state trooper. Confused, the man said, "I wasn't speeding, why did you pull me over?"

The cop said, "do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

The farmer replied, "thank goodness, I just thought I had gone deaf."

 

A new prison ward was sitting in the mess hall on his first day minding his own business. Out of the blue one guy stood up and yelled out "37"! Everyone in the joint burst out laughing. Then another guy stood up and yelled out "53"! Again, everyone started laughing uncontrollably. The new guy was confused and so he asked the ward next to him what this was all about. The guy said that since most of the guys here had been in the joint for such a long time they had numbers for every jokes cause they were tired of repeating the whole diatribe each time. The new guy thought about it a while and wanting to fit in right away he stood up and shouted out "78"! Complete silence all around. So he yelled out "41"! Crickets. "66"! Nothing. So he sat down dejected. He turned to the guy next to him and asked what was wrong? "I did everything the other guys were doing but nobody laughed". The guy next to him said: "Face it son, some people just don't know how to tell a joke".

 

The best is made with olive oil, and lime.

 

What do you call a blonde doing a hand stand?



a brunette with bad breath

 

I'm not a fan of lime in my mayo. I spent years, in MX, trying to find mayo at the store that DIDN'T have lime in it!

 

I Love it. I just got some for the 1st time about 16 years ago, and it's the only way I like it now.

 

A guy and his wife were at the hospital, with his wife ready to go into labor.

The doctor walked into the room and said, "all right, I'm ready to deliver the baby.

Confused, the husband looked at the doctor and said, "we're going to have the baby keep his liver."

 

HMM with how this thread was trending

I was thinking

A MAYONNAISE DISPENSER

 

I grow garlic

And I can say with all honesty since I started I have not seen a single vampire

 

Imagine his kids in grade school and their friends are exclaiming “that’s your dad”

 

Reminds me of Miracle Whip

I don’t like Miracle Whip

What do you call an 84 year old guy masturbating

Miracle Whip

 

My dad always told us, "If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong"!

 

I have not tried Duke's. I usually buy Best Foods.

 

A man was killed over the weekend while on his honeymoon by an apparent shark attack. The paramedics said he did not suffer long, he had only been married 3 days.

 

Best Foods and Hellman’s are the same depending on if you are west or east

 

I can’t get used to corn on the cob with mayo and chili

Yuck