Dad Joke of the Day Thread

A pirate went for a follow-up visit to the doctor to see the results of a biopsy of some tumors they found.

The pirate said, "Aye, doctor. Gimme the news about the tumors."

The doctor said, "I have good news, they're benign."

The pirate said, "How is that good news? The last time, you said there be three."

 

I still remember my grandfather's last words before he died,
"You still holding the ladder?"

 

This isn't really a dad joke. You'd probably get in trouble for telling it at work:
A woman goes to the Dr. with her face all bloody and beaten. She tells the Dr, "I don't know what to do. When my husband comes home from work, he beats me and slaps me around!"
Dr. tells her, "Next time he comes home, you take a swig of sweet tea and swirl it around in your mouth for at least 30 minutes"
She does so and comes back a month later and her face is all clear.
She says, It's a miracle Doc. I did just what you said and look at me! Not a mark anywhere!"
Doctor says,










"See what happens when you keep your mouth shut?"

 

Reminds me of how my grandfather passed - very peacefully and calmly just nodding off in his sleep. Unlike all the other guys in his car who were kicking and screaming and pounding on the windows.

 

I have an advanced degree in 'Dad Jokes' actually. A Master's in Sighcology.

 

I resemble that remark having a set of grandparents born in Romania, about 1 hour away as the bat flies from Vlad Dracula's castle.

 

I'm simply a reflection of my ancestors - oh wait..........

 

I think my people may be involved with this as well............

 

Bastards!

 

Great. I can recall it too. My memory isn't that shot. It's garlic in the picture.

 

Wonder if you have some of Elizabeth Bathory, the Blood Princess, blood in you She is one chick I'm glad I never ran into.

 

Not familiar with that person.

 

Prolific female serial killer. Said to have killed tons of young ladies.

 

I believe she was married, or messed around with a Ferenczy at one time, or maybe her mother. I can't remember.